Reflection as a Christian

I was not born into a Christian family. My mom and dad are Taoist, and they hold fast to the Tao tradition. But, because my parents were quite busy, as a kid, I spent most of my time with my grandma who is a Christian. Through my grandma care, I started to know about the church and eventually served in the teenager ministry. I actually don't know where is the point in my life when I really became a Christian. What I remembered, as a teenager, although I was quite active in the church and even serving in the teenager ministry, the church was actually a place for me to run from my family cause I feel fed up with my parents' demands and expectations.

As a teenager, everybody thinks I am a good person, I attended church regularly, study well, did not do something bad. But, actually, all the attributes that were given to me make me felt so exhausted, I kept living to other standards and I didn't really really know what I really want to do with this life beside only becoming a good daughter, a good student, an active church member, and a successful adult *with a definition that I must work in a good company, earn decent money, and have a family.

However, during a certain session in uni orientation week from a Christian student ministry, God spoke to me through the sermon that He has died for my sin and give me a new value in life. I am not valuable because of my GPA or my church attendance, I am valuable because He has paid for my sin and I am created in His image to do His purpose in this world. These messages were very relieving, it freed me from the thoughts that I need to fulfil my parents' expectations to become a successful human being. After that orientation, I joined the Christian student ministry in my uni, and God used that ministry to shape me, especially about my identity, although this problem still exists until now.  I often feel insecure about my identity, and I keep trying to find my identity in other things such as study, work, even clothing, but the difference is as a Christian, I have faith that Jesus will enable me to fight my insecurity. One memorable verse that God has used to give me hope during my darkest time is from Ecclesiastes 9:4:

n  But he who is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion.

This verse helps to remember even when I don’t have anything according to this world standard, as long as I live I still have hope, and this hope is true because Jesus has defeated the death and live. So I should not give up to the darkness that tries to take control over me but giving it to Jesus J


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