My Giant, My Pride

"What is your giant?" Have you got that question from someone or ask that for yourself?

For me, although I have that question in my mind from a long time but I never thought about that seriously. I thought my giant is my failure, but apparently it's wrong. During these unemployed periods I thought that got no jobs is my giant (because I really don't like to be looked down by others),  but actually I have a severe problem in my emotion, more precisely I  have a problem with my pride.

I've realized that I have problem with my pride since a long time but I was not willing to change it until I noticed that my stupid pride would ruin my life, especially my relationship with others. My pride has kept me from seeing what God really wants me to do and my pride has made me to always make excuses to others when I made mistake. It's really hard for me to say sorry and showed my empathy to others. When I talked to my friends I wanted them to hear and follow what I said and without noticing it, I really wanted to lead and I would get pissed if they did not pay attention to me and follow my advice.

As a Christian I have heard that Christ has emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, ... he humbled himself  by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:7-8), which teach me that as a human I should humble myself and serve others, not put myself as the first priority in my life. But the fact is despite all my knowledge about Christ's way of life, I am still act like I am the most important person, the main actor of this world. 

I really do not want to act like a spoiled child who always think of myself, I do really want to crush this stupid pride but I know I cannot do that. Fortunately, although it's impossible for me, it's not hard for God. I believe by His grace He will always help me to keep myself on the track that He wants, that is become a humble person. I do realize that I will sometimes or maybe often be a stupid person who think too high of herself  because of her vain pride, but I believe in His grace so I won't be dispirited.  This verse should be my reminder in facing my giant, my stupid pride,"... let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 1:31).

From someone who always struggling in this life.